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Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

You Are Everything to Somebody

You Are Everything to Somebody
Right Now At This Very Moment....
someone......
is very proud of you, is thinking of you, cares about you, misses you ,wants to talk to you, wants to be with you, hopes you aren't in trouble, is thankful for the support you have provided, wants to hold your hand, hopes everything turns out all right, wants you to be happy, wants you to find them, is celebrating your successes, wants to give you a gift, thinks you are a gift, hopes you are not too cold or too hot, wants to hug you, loves you, wants to lavish you with small gifts, admires your strength, is thinking of you and smiling, wants to be your shoulder to cry on, wants to go out with you and have a lot, thinks the world of you, wants to protect you, would do anything for you, wants to be forgiven, is greatful for your forgiveness, wants to laugh with you about old times, remembers you and wishes you were there, is praising god for you, needs to know that your love is unconditional, values your advice, wants to tell you how much they care, wants to stay up watching old movies with you, wants to share their dreams with you, wants to hold you in their arms, wants you to hold them in your arms, treasures your spirit, wishes they could stop time because of you, praises god for your friendship and love, can't wait to see you, wishes that things didn't have to change, loves you for who you are, loves the way you make them feel, wants to be with you, is hoping they can grow old with you, hears a song that reminds then of you, wants you to know they are there for you, is glad you're their friend, wants to be your friend, stayed up all night thinking of about you, is alive because of you, is remorseful after losing your friendship, is wishing that you would notice them , wants to get to know you better, believes that you are their soul mate, wants to be near you, misses your guidance and advise, values your guidance and advise, has faith in you, trusts you, needs you to send them this letter, needs your support, needs you to have faith in them, needs you to let them be your friend
someone.....
will cry when they read this

Letter of Recommendation

Letter of Recommendation
Memo to: the Director


Subject: Letter of Recommendation


1 Bob Smith, an assistant programmer, can
always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently,
without3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice
about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments
on time. Often Bob takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes
skipping
7 coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his
field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee,
the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend
that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 sent
away as soon as possible.
- TLP
Project Leader




(Later that afternoon another
memo was sent...)


Memo to: the Director
Subject: Letter of Recommendation
Sorry
about that earlier memo, Bob was reading over my shoulder as I
wrote it.
Kindly
read every other line (i.e., 1, 3, 5, 7...) for my true
assessment of him.


Regards,
TLP
Project Leader

Speeding

Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down:73 in a 55 zone. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often? When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror. The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand. Bob? Bob from Church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was worse than the coming ticket. A Christian cop catching a guy from his own church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow. Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform. "Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this." "Hello, Jack." No smile. "Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids." "Yeah, I guess." Bob seemed uncertain. Good. "I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit-just this once." Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement. "Maryann said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight. Know what I mean?" "I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct." Ouch. This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics. "What'd you clock me at?" "Seventy. Would you sit back in your car please?" "Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket. "Please, Jack, in the car." Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window. The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad.Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license? Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand. Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip. "Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his
voice. Bob returned to his police car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost? Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:
"Dear Jack, Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it - a
speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters. All three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven before I can ever hug her again. A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me. And be careful. My son is all I have left. "Bob"
Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived. Life is precious.
"The biggest kind of love is in doing what is best for someone, even if it hurts. " -Sheila M. Pardoe

Having Fun with Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to
ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my
bankruptcy?"


2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to
know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care
these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my
eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they try to get back to the
sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.


3. If the person says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask him to spell
his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is
located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company
for as long as necessary.


4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy
and I'm with Canter and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on a second." (Few
seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"


5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is
this really you? I can't believe it! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully,
this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out
where the heck she could know you from.


6. Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep
an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you
can keep going until they hang up.


7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends
plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any
friends...would you be my friend?"


8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat
blood or HUMAN blood - chicken blood too?"


9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary
feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's
fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They
get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card
number to someone who's a complete stranger.


10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example:
Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Watertronics." You: "Watertronics!! Hey I
work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas,
Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather?
Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see
ya."


11. Say with very clear diction, "I'm sorry, but I don't speak English". And
when they say, "Uh...well...what language do you speak", you just say, "Maybe
you didn't understand me, I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH!"


12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone
number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out
their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call
them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of
Telemarketers). If the person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call
at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel." (Smiling, of course...)

25 Things a Perfect Guy Would Do

1. Know How To Make You Smile When You Are Down


2. Try To Secretly Smell Your Hair, But You Always Notice


3. Stick Up For You, But Still Respect Your Independence


4. Be So Wrapped Up In Everything Else, But Still Have Time For You


5. Fit His Arms Firmly Around You


6. Hint That He Wants To Kiss You


7. How His Hand Always Seems To Find Yours


8. Be Cute When He Really Wants Something


9. Never Run Out Of New Games To Play


10. Never Run Out Of Good Jokes


11. Never Run Out Of Love


12. Be Funny, But Knows When To Be Serious


13. Realize He's Being Funny When He Needs To Be Serious


14. Be Patient When It Takes You Forever To Get Ready


15. React So Cutely When You Hit Him And It Actually Hurts


16. How Cute He Smiles


17. How Gently He Kisses You


18. How He Tries To Hide That One Stuffed Animal When You Come Over


19. How He Acts Like Mr. Big


20. How He Apologize's For Trying To Act Like Mr. Big


21. How He Asks You To Borrow A Pen In The Middle Of Class, When You Know He Has One


22. How He Blasts The Music When He Answers The Phone


23. How He Turns The Music Off When He Realize's That It's You


24. How He Looks At You During Class And How It Gives YouButterflies InYour Stomach


25. How He Hugs You And Makes You Feel Better When You Are Having ABad Day

'Nine Things that Piss Me Off' by Adam Sandler

'Nine Things that Piss Me Off' by Adam Sandler:


1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. Iknow where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?


2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.


3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.


4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?


5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?


6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No ASSHOLE, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the friggin ceiling up there.


7. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"..... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?


8. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then it must not be the first one!!


9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going. You should know asshole, you fucking pulled me over!

Instructions for Life

> 1. Give people more than they expect. Do so cheerfully.
> 2. Memorize your favorite poem.
> 3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
> 4. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
> 5. When you say,'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
> 6. Be engaged to be married for at least six months.
> 7. Believe in love at first sight.
> 8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
> 9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
> 10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
> 11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
> 12. Talk slowly, Think quickly.
> 13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask,'Why do you want to know?'
> 14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
> 15. Call your mum.
> 16. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
> 17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
> 18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.
> 19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
> 20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
> 21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
> 22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
> 23. Spend some time alone.
> 24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
> 25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
> 26. Read more books and watch less TV.
> 27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
> 28. Trust in God but lock your car.
> 29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home.
> 30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
> 31. Read between the lines.
> 32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
> 33. Be gentle with the earth.
> 34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
> 35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
> 36. Mind your own business.
> 37. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.
> 38. Once a year, go some place you've never been before.
> 39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
> 40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
> 41. Learn the rules then break some.
> 42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
> 43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
> 44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
> 45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

What Would You Do?

What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say goodbye?
What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
What would you do, if you best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?
What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
Some people love, and some people die.
But I want to tell you I love you, and you are a true friend.
If I died tomorrow, you would be in my heart.
Would I be in yours?

Five Great Lessons

Most Important Lesson


During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name? I left the question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'." "I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.


2 - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain


One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxi cab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console colour TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others."
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.




3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.


In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied." The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish were two nickels and five pennies - You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.


4 - Fourth Important Lesson - The Obstacle in Our Path


In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything abou getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand: Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.


5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts


Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the colour returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?" Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her. You see, after all, understanding and attitude, are everything.

Frustrated

I'm frustrated because I can't tell if it's real.
Frustrated because I don't know how you feel.
I'm frustrated because we didn't talk last night.
Frustrated because we can't make things right.
I'm frustrated because there is no trust.
Frustrated because I know we must.
I'm frustrated because I need you night and day.
Frustrated because I can't have things my way.
I'm frustrated because you don't want to take my hand.
Frustrated because I can't make you understand.
I'm frustrated because I can't feel your gentle touch.
Frustrated because I miss you so much.
I'm frustrated because we can't be together.
Frustrated because I'll love you forever. I'm frustrated because I can't tell if it's real.
Frustrated because I don't know how you feel.
I'm frustrated because we didn't talk last night.
Frustrated because we can't make things right.
I'm frustrated because there is no trust.
Frustrated because I know we must.
I'm frustrated because I need you night and day.
Frustrated because I can't have things my way.
I'm frustrated because you don't want to take my hand.
Frustrated because I can't make you understand.
I'm frustrated because I can't feel your gentle touch.
Frustrated because I miss you so much.
I'm frustrated because we can't be together.
Frustrated because I'll love you forever.

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